AARGH! I did it again! I turned my joyful expression, my passion, painting, into WORK!

This happened to me once before, about ten years ago, and it was devastating! This time I caught myself and am taking steps to get back to PLAY. Phew!

Changing habits and practicing new ones requires taking baby-steps. My first baby step was to take a walk (DAH!). This is the first thing that captured my attention on my walk.

Look at ALL of the texture. What do you think this is? Do you see the upside down heart?

The very first thing that caught my eye was the trunk of a palm tree. I'd never given them much thought until I REALLY LOOKED AT THIS ONE on my walk.

My world changed within the first five minutes of that walk! Wow! Just look at all of that texture and movement and LIFE FORCE in that tree trunk!

Okay, I got a bit excited.

I know that to make changes we need massive amounts of self-love and tenderness, with bits and pieces of tough love sprinkled in for balance.

I’m not fond of regimentation. Even though I know that following a schedule can increase productivity, I prefer going with my flow and following my impulses.

I also have to remember that I make my living from my art and that means I have to paint and sell art REGULARLY (as in a lot).

The trouble comes when I can't think of what to paint (yes that happens).

To me there's a real difference between painting for the sake of painting and painting something that I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO PAINT!

There are two paintings here, side-by-side. It's the beginning, not the end.

All of my coaches tell me to schedule my “FREE-” or “DOWN-“ or “PLAY-time” first, before I schedule in other commitments.

Scheduling PLAY first does NOT come naturally to me.

“Downtime” is time to just sit and listen — or to “get bored”. You can lie down, but you don’t have to. You can close your eyes, but you don’t have to.

The only thing to “be done” is to release control
and surrender.

Oh, THAT’S ALL!

Surrendering feels scary, so I’ll start small. I’ll start with five minutes a day and work up to more. The important thing is to start.

I will breathe more deeply and consciously unwind, releasing my clenched fists as I breathe.

Go ahead try it.

It really does feel good — at least in short spurts.

Still a work in progress. It's a triptych, meaning in three pieces, still needs some love.

I met her at the beach, Bellows Beach, one of the most beautiful long beaches on Oahu.

She stands stately and tall at the beach’s tree line. She’s been standing there for decades, maybe even a century.

Her limbs are outstretched, soaking in the morning sun and daring the trade winds to try to blow her down. They don’t, they invigorate and strengthen her.

Fearless, she relishes her position on Earth. Her wisdom runs both deep and tall.

She knows who she is and she knows her worth. She trusts the world will provide all that she needs.

Time spent in Mother Nature nurtures our spirit. It reminds us on a deep, often unconscious level, that we are a part of the natural world around us.

We’ve built so much on top of Mother Nature, and often marvel at that part of the world too. But that’s not the part we turn to when we need to feel revitalized.

When we need to “get away and clear our head” we turn to Mother Nature. Like a trusted companion, ever present, yet often ignored, she's always there for us.

Perhaps that’s why we call her Mother.

Mother Nature factors into most of my art. She’s even the inspiration for many of my abstract paintings.

Mother Nature catches my eye. My imagination transforms her energy onto paper. Look closely and you will feel her there.

Art is a natural form of communication. Art speaks to us on conscious and unconscious levels.

We fill our homes with living plants and often share our space with a pet (or several) to keep Mother Nature nearby.

Art is another way to keep Mother Nature close —one that doesn’t need feeding.

Our dreams are our personal source of renewable energy.

Whether or not we remember our dreams, we all have them — by day and by night.

I love to nap and to dream! I’ve been a power-napper since college — able to fall asleep fast, and awaken refreshed after 10–30 min.

Lately I’ve been telling myself I want to take a nap when I wake up in the middle of the night. The results aren’t in yet, but it’s early days for this experiment.

Sharing our dreams with others is a good way to get to know one another and to feel connected.

It’s also risky.

Only share your dreams with trusted friends and mentors.

The language of dreams can make us laugh with glee or recoil in horror. Part of the fun of dreams is learning to decipher our own dream language.

I’ve never been fond of other people’s interpretations of dreams. I like Carl Jung’s work suggesting that every character in our dreams relates to some part of us.

Decades ago I taught myself to fly in my dreams because it sounded like fun, and I wanted to see if I could fly.

Every night before I fell asleep, I told myself I would fly in my dreams. It took a few nights practice before I flew, and the first time I did, my excitement at flying woke me up.

Still, it was a fun exercise in learning how to get more out of one third of my life — the sleeping part.

These days my expectation and invitation is that I am open to receiving information while I sleep.

I ask questions before I fall asleep so I can wake up with answers or ideas.

Dream Time is a gift we give to ourselves and to the world. The information of our dreams holds clues to answer the questions we have when we’re awake.

It seems a shame to place all of our attention on our waking state while ignoring what goes on in our creative minds while we sleep.

Sweet Dreams!

Why go on a retreat at all?

I go for renewal and to learn something new. I go expecting to be stretched and expanded so I can become more of who I really am.

It’s not improvement I seek; it’s more along the lines of shining a light into the corners of darkness that fill my mind from time to time.

Very much like Spring Cleaning, this is a time to refresh and reboot my internal operating system.

I’m going in for an upgrade!

Whether you work for another, you’re self-employed, or are retired, retreats are an invaluable way to invest in yourself and your life.

I’ve always been a “seeker of meaning”.

I went on a Vision Quest in Death Valley in the 90s. I spent three days and nights alone with no food, just water and a lean-to I had to build myself.

There were 10–12 others from all walks of life on that trip — a police chief from Ohio, a former nun from CA, a woman in her 70s, and a young man in his 20s.

I learned a lot about myself and about others on that trip.

My backpack was heavy. In addition to my sleeping bag, bedroll, tarp, rope, and knife, I had clothing, books, pencils, sketchbook, and three gallons of water to last me the three days.

On my first night alone in the desert, I was hungry and a little cold. Up until then the only days I’d ever “fasted” where when I had the flu — those days don’t count. I’d brought along three butterscotch candies just in case I got “too hungry” (how I thought three candies would help is beyond me!).

I came really close to eating them that first night as I tossed and turned on the desert floor. I was a little “panicky” until I realized this was a coyote moment for me.

Coyote is the Trickster in many Native American cultures. He was trying to trick me into giving up on myself, taunting me with hunger pangs and fears of losing my strength.

Once I realized my fears were my "coyote", I had a few sips of water and fell asleep. Temptation was gone and I proved to myself that I could last three days with just water out in the desert.

Another food-related insight came when I realized that if I were at home, I’d eat a sandwich rather than go for a walk, or draw, or read, or journal. That’s when I became aware that food can be used to distract us from the things we really want to do with our time.

On the third hot desert day, as I sat journaling in the “buff”, I heard a strange noise. It made no sense to me. I couldn’t place it, I had no idea what it was — until three fighter jets streaked across the sky right above me.

It was then I realized how distant I’d felt;
yet how close I still was to the world at large.

After our three days alone in the desert, all of the “questers” reconvened at base camp to share our experiences. Listening to everyone’s stories and telling my own, I realized that no matter who we are, what we do, or what we look like, we have more in common with one another than we have differences.

My paintings always give me hints about what's happening in my life. This tree caught my attention when at the beach last Sunday. She's just begun. she's reaching tall with exuberance.

That was my first retreat; I’ve gone on several more since then. Each one is different and each one fuels me in different ways.

I expect this retreat will fill me up in new ways. I’m a little nervous as I pack. There might be a coyote moment ahead, and I expect to be stretched in new ways and to learn something new about my abilities. I’m going to reconfigure the path I’ve been on these past 17 years.

This beginning painting explores my angst going into this retreat. Sure I'm a tad anxious entering the unknown. It'll be fun to see these paintings completed AFTER the retreat!

Please stay tuned for an update in the weeks ahead.